i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
