Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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