Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
