at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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