the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
