So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
