i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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