I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize