Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
