I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
