Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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