If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
