I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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