Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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