I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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