Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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