why didn't you poke me back
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
