When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
