I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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