the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
