I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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