didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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