My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
