In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
