I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Text me some of your sweat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
