Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So much Jack, so little girl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
