It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
