The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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