i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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