i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
