And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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