she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize