Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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