I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
