Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
