At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
