he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize