and i looked up. we had an audience...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.