Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success