omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower