You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like, not good at living.