Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dating After Heartbreak
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies