I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
