I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize