no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
