I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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