i think i have herpe
just one?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
