We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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