May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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