she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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