he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
