Capitaan dildo arrescate!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt