I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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