In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues