What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"