I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start