There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.