Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1193) Bad night (11219)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

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  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
  Replies (11) Good night (3529) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch

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  (678): My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch http://tfl.nu/nghk
  Replies (11) Good night (3568) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

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  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2442) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

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  (707): then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure" http://tfl.nu/54yc
  Replies (15) Good night (1203) Bad night (3726) Order T-Shirt
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  She said she wanted to have closure sex.

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  (848): She said she wanted to have closure sex. http://tfl.nu/0dyj
  Replies (9) Good night (3667) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...

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  (716): I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom... http://tfl.nu/0ft1
  Replies (9) Good night (921) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.

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  (401): The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success. http://tfl.nu/2cay
  Replies (2) Good night (1200) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

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  (313): It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike. http://tfl.nu/mqaw
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.

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  (859): I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold. http://tfl.nu/cgsp
  Replies (7) Good night (1261) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position

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  (954): tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position http://tfl.nu/ss2w
  Replies (5) Good night (927) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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  (479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny
  Replies (6) Good night (732) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado

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  (616): Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado http://tfl.nu/cd6c
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (196)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.

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  (651): Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called. http://tfl.nu/hamr
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (155) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain

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  (408): Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain http://tfl.nu/bezg
  Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt

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