I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
