i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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