She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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