I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
