You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My pussy is not your playground.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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