is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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