have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
