i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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