Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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