Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
