and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
