you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
