He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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