Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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